"It's not your fault, but its 99 percent your fault"

We used to take evening bike rides to Java Hut and get Dad's Rootbeers.

I used to wake up every morning at five to wish my dad a good day at work.

We used to go for walks around Bernstein Island.

I used to wear my dad's work boots everywhere.

We used to have dinner together every night

He used to go to the bar only once a week.

Now he comes home drunk many a time blasting 'Goodbye my Lover' and 'Sunday Mornings' yelling at us from downstairs "this house is mine, the TV is mine," "you two are the reason we're getting divorced," "you cunt you make my life miserable you selfish bitch you'll end up alone just like your mother."

I don't hate my father but I hope one day he realises he's done this to himself.

I wasn't home the Saturday night the cops had to come take him for threatening my mom and brother. I'm glad I wasn't but I can't believe that after 28 years of marriage this is what they have come to.

It feels like everyone's parents get divorced and because mine weren't i liked it soo much! I felt so lucky to have a family that was together. I could never see why people would get divorced. Lately I've been pretending their fighting is normal because I don't want to let this go. If they had got divorced life would end. Now I'm starting to think it would just be better if they were apart. Maybe then my dad will realise what he had was better.

I'm applying for colleges/university this week. I'm so excited for this next chapter of my life. I have always dreamed of going into interior design, and still do. But while researching for school i came to find programs fro art history and I'm extremely fascinated! How inspiring and interesting that would be. I am so intrigued by this and kind of thinking about taking a year to take a few courses like this. Maybe some classes on philosophy, history, and culture. They would be so interesting. The final destination is still Kwantlen finishing with a Bachelor of Applied Design in Interior Design.

I'm so excited!

Tug-A-War without a partner.

To Move or Not to Move?


I have dreamed of moving out for about a year. It is one thing that is always on my mind, but i know it is to far out of reach. The issues with my parents are just not fair to me emotionally, and i've had about enough of it.

A place has become available. And its PERFECT!

- Nearby
- 5 bedrooms
- 3 and a half bathrooms
- Washer, dryer and dishwasher
- Rent=362 with 4 people, 290 with 5
- Includes utilities.
- Huge living room and full kitchen
- Extremely convenient bus route at
the door step.
- Pets allowed
- Parking
- 3 willing roomates
- and the list goes on...

The thing is why do i feel so hesitant. I've very much disliked my life here for about a year. My parents always threatening to break up, the fact the smoke pot, how they treat me like cinderella, believe i'm the worst child anyone could ever have when the onlything is, and i do admit to it, i very often leave things lying around. They make it seem like i'm a night mare. Is my laundry left in the laundry room for 3 days or a cd left on the stairs for a week the end of the world. The ground me as if i'm still 10 for leaving my jacket on a chair. Spill a drink, Nope! Your kicked out of the house. Seem a little over the line? Also the fact that i'm apparently not skinny enough for them.

I know i will miss home because i've lived with my family for almost 19 years. It's familiar, convienient and cheap. Well maybe not so convenient. May it be my attraction to the house? I mainly picked it when we moved 5 years ago. I get to help with the remodelling..hint hint passion = interior design. And I finally got to paint my room for the first time in my life and its almost just to where I like it, and i'm proud.

I strongly believe i can make it on my own financially and mentally. I know my parents have raised me well...they just seem to thing they are still raising me.

This situation all feels so perfect, but then why do i feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.

The rest is up to god.